Seeing as this is my first official post on this blog, I thought it necessary to actually introduce myself to those that may be reading.
There is an “About Me” section that you may or may not have read, but those always stump me. What do you write there? How much is too much? Do people really read those? Being an amateur “blogger” (which is one of the dumbest words) I don’t always know if what I have to say is actually something that others want to read.
I’ve never been one to write something “marketable” or popular and never really had the desire to fit into either of those categories. I write from the inside. Sometimes I will write something from more of an academic view, but most of what I write is from experience and struggle. As you read my posts, you will be able to tell which is which, almost instantly. If I write from a personal view, FAIR WARNING, I have a tendency to ramble, over share, use words that aren’t really words, and go a bit off topic here and there. Sorry, not sorry. That’s all part an parcel of who I am. I have a tattoo on my right forearm (which I found via Carla Birnberg and she was kind enough to allow me to have HER BRAND permanently engraved in my skin, see above) that says “UNAPOLOGETICALLY MYSELF” and this is how I try to live every day. I am loud, opinionated, and upfront. I was raised to be a strong and independent woman and think for myself and stand up for what I feel is truly right and to fight against that which I feel is wrong. I will never be any other way and I thank my parents for raising me this way.
I’ve chosen (and been asked) to write on the subjects of mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, and sexual health, and about body image, as I relate to them and as I think they may relate to others. These are all subjects that I have strong opinions on, as well as a lot of personal experience with. I’ve struggled with mental/emotional health/illness issues for a good majority of my adult life. I’ve also struggled with a negative body image from the age of about 16, and weight gain and loss for the last few years.
I am a 34 year old mother to an 11 year old daughter and a 14 year old son. My father passed away on the morning of January 12, 2014 and I miss him every day. I was married to the father of my children for 12 years and our divorce was final as of February this year. I was in love with a woman who I was with for about a year and a half and that relationship came to an end earlier this year, as well. So, essentially this year has turned my entire life UPSIDE DOWN and I am ready to get it over with and have the chance to breathe without the fear of what horrible thing is going to come up next. I am a full time stay at home mother and until last October, was a full time Psych student working on my BA at USF. I know a decent amount about a lot of things, but not a whole lot about one thing in particular. I am an Aries with a love of the water (pools, mostly because I can see what’s in the water around me) and for roller skating. I fight hard for the things I believe in and stand up LOUD AND STRONG against those things that are wrong. I like to read (when I can sit still long enough) and dance and I believe that music can change a person’s entire day. I have the ability to say very smart things and they even make sense, sometimes. On the other hand, I also have a talent for saying very stupid things that are sometimes taken as offensive, but are not meant to be. As I said above, I am an expert at oversharing, but I am also an expert at sarcasm and creatively using profanity to both insult and entertain. (the profanity will be kept in check for the purposes of this blog, but NOT on my personal media pages. Blog, Twitter, Facebook, etc.) I love to workout and lift weights and do yard work, but I also love to get all dolled up to go out in a dress and heels and all that girly jazz. I’ve been told that I am almost a perfect balance between butch and femme, and I can finally see why. I don’t like to use labels for people’s sexuality, but for the intents and purposes of relating to my readers (all 2 of you at present) I identify most closely with Pansexual. Meaning that I am attracted to a person for who they are and their entire package and not based on the no no bits they happen to have. I find beauty in people for who they are, what they do, who and what they stand up and fight for, how they smell, their walk, their joy, and their pain. I can’t say that there is one specific thing that draws me to a person. I have a very small number of people that I call friends and about the same number of people that I call family, most of which are NOT genetically related to me in any way. THESE are the people that NO ONE should mess with because I will go to the ends of the Earth for them. I can only hope that some of them feel the same way about me. Now that you know just a TEENY bit about me, let’s move along, shall we?
I am not a licensed ANYTHING, so I can not give you professional advice. I can only share with you my own experiences, struggles, victories and set backs. I can not treat or heal you, emotionally, mentally, or physically. I can support you and show you that you are not alone. Yes, we are all individuals fighting our own demons and struggling to get through every day with as little damage to ourselves and others as possible, but I am 98.98% positive that there is at least 1 other person somewhere on this planet that has, will, or is currently struggling with the same thing that you may be trying to get through.
Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Morbid Obesity, Negative Body Image, Grief, Abuse, Sexuality, Identity, Motherhood, Marriage, Divorce, Family, Life, and Death are just a few things that I have struggled with in my 34 years. Many of these things I am still working through. Some days are harder than others. Every day is a conscious decision to NOT GIVE UP AND NOT GIVE IN. Every day.
I think that is all I have to say, for now. Otherwise, this would end up a very long winded post that would be WAY off topic.
Remember always, that you are not alone and it does get better.
I wish you all health, happiness, and a beautiful day.